Alternate DBZ: Android saga
by MistyxKisame
Summary: The third installment of the Alternate DBZ series. The History of Trunks and Android and Cell saga will all be grouped in the same story because they are all related to each other in the same way.
1. Chapter 1

Hi everyone and welcome back to the Alternate DBZ series. Instead of starting out with from what happened in the last part, I will now go 18 years into the future. This is the History of Trunks.

* * *

The story starts in a destroyed town which was formerly Satan City. Because I have never seen "The history of Trunks" I will make up my own version. Gohan was outside staring at the sunset that he probably would never see the next day. Little did he know that someone was behind him.

"BOO!" it was 13 year old Trunks and Pan.

"AAAAAH!" Gohan started blasting all over the place. Trunks and Pan hid.

"You fuckin' idiots!" Kai sighed. "He could have killed you both!"

"Sorry…"

"It's alright…sorry I got so crazy." Gohan hugged Trunks and his sister/cousin Pan.

"Gohan the Androids have just been sited at Burger King…" Takashi announced.

"Well that's not really…"

"…right after they destroyed McDonalds…" Takamori finished.

"THOSE BASTARDS!" Gohan turned super saiyan and had stopped hugging Trunks and Pan.

"Hey! Don't do that!" Pan rubbed the side of her face.

"What? Yell?"

"NO! POWER UP WITH THAT STANCE!" Pan whined.

"Oosps! Sorry Pan!" Gohan turned to his brothers. "Are you guys coming or what?"

"You know it! I can't wait to bang that hot chick, 17!" Takashi got a perverted look in his eyes.

Everyone got really quiet and backed away very slowly. It looked like the term "Like father, like son." fit perfectly for Takashi. Takashi was proving to be just as big as a pervert as the classic anime perverts Master Roshi and Jiraiya (And no. I don't count Oolong and boy crazy Bulma). Pretty soon, he's gonna start reading porn like Kakashi and looking talking about boobs like Takuto.

"You do realize that 17 is a boy right?" pointed out Gohan.

"WHAT?! I DIDN'T KNOW THAT!" Takashi was blushing. "What about 18?"

"THAT'S a girl." said Pan. "BUT I FORBID YOU TO DATE HER!" Pan was extremely overprotective of her older brother and didn't want him to get dumped. Did I mention she was attracted to him? More incest? You'd better bet your sweet apple it is!

"I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!" Takashi was disappointed. "All of the hot ones are gone except…"

Gohan slapped Takashi in the back of the head. "I've told you again and again! NO!"

"What?" Takashi blushed. "I was just gonna say Ch-" Takashi got slapped again by Pan.

"AUNT CHICHI IS OFF LIMITS YOU PERVERT! I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE YOU PEEPED ON HER TAKING A SHOWER AND WERE SNIFFING HER PANTIES WHEN THERE ARE ANDROIDS ON THE LOOSE!"

"You know, some people are trying to go to sleep!" it was Android 17 with his sister 18.

"Oh my gosh! It's the androids!" gasped Captain Obvious aka Pan.

"WE KNOW THAT CAPTAIN OBVIOUS!" growled Gohan.

"Hey cutie." 18 winked at Pan.

'What the fuck…' Pan looked at 18.

"Oh my god!" Kai laughed at Pan along with the boys. "She thinks you're a boy! HAHAHAHAHA!"

"Can we just get this over with already?" 17 said bored.

The five saiyans then went into deep battle with the androids while Pan was looking for a mirror so she could see if she looked like a boy. She couldn't help that her chest was undeveloped for her age and she had the face of a boy. She decided to blame it on her genetics from her father. It was a losing battle and they needed all the help they needed except the last few warriors were Master Roshi, the Ox King, and Pan.

"Where's Pan?" whispered Gohan to Trunks as the Androids were looking for them.

"Doing something utterly useless as always." Trunks sighed.

"I guess dad was right…Pan was a waste of sperm." Gohan sighed.

"We need to get out of here!" said Kai, who had caught up with them.

"First we need to get Takashi and Takamori."

"What about Pan?" asked Trunks.

"What about her?"

It took four hours for them to manage to find Takamori and later Takashi. None of them bothered to look for her because like her counterpart in GT, she has no real meaning to this story. They all met back up at Bulma's house since it was closer than Chichi's house. Raditz was working on something and Bulma was making hot chocolate even though it was summer time.

"Oh thank kami you all are back!" Bulma smiled.

"Mommy!" Kai threw her arms around her annoyed mother.

"Where's Pan?" asked Bulma looking around for the useless demi-saiyan.

"I think she's looking for a mirror." said Takamori bored. "Mommy can I go to McDonalds and get a Big Mac?"

"You're not going anywhere young lady!" Bulma panicked at the thought of what the androids would do if Takamori left alone.

"He's boy." Raditz sneezed. "And stop calling me 'mommy'. That's annoying. You all are not babies anymore."

"But we're your babies!" Pan said cheerfully.

"Pan…who let you in here?" asked Takamori with his eyes narrowing at his baby sister.

"No one. The door was open so I came in and…"

"Why can't you just go die already?" Kai rolled her eyes. "You're pretty much the stupidest person in the room and the most useless one. I wish Akira was still alive…"

"God rest his soul." Bulma closed her eyes.

"I was too bad that he risked his life to save Yamcha who ended up dying trying to avenge his death." said Raditz thinking of his handsome son (just picture Sasori with black hair).

"Were they gay?" Pan grimaced. "Gay people are so annoying and stupid. It's about time he died off! He was taking all of the attention that I needed."

"Get the fuck out you disgrace!" Gohan grabbed Pan by her back of the hem of her pants and started to kick her butt. "He was a good brother and fighter. You're nothing!"

"And stay the fuck out!" Bulma added as she kicked Pan into the hard ground and slammed the door on her.

"What a bitch. She probably got that from Chichi." Raditz sighed. 'I really wish Kakarrot was here. I still can't believe that he died.'

**_Flashback_**

**"I have good news and bad news." said Dr. Haven. "The bad news is that we have no cure and he's going to die."**

**"Oh no…" Chichi covered up her mouth and started to cry. **

**"What's the good news doctor?" asked Roshi.**

**"Your insurance policy is gonna make this man's wife a rich mother fucker, that's what!" the doctor laughed and then turned serious. "But, seriously, there is no cure at this time."**

**"I can't believe this is actually happening!" Bulma shook her head. **

**"I feel like it was just yesterday when he asked me to kiss him even though I really didn't want to." Raditz was holding sleeping Kai.**

**"That was yesterday." said Chichi.**

**"Oh…" Raditz felt Goku touching his butt. 'I _really_ wanna slap him, but I can't. I mean come on! He's dying.'**

**Goku smiled with his eyes closed. "Can you guys leave? I need to talk to my wife for a second."**

**"Which…" Chichi was interrupted by Bulma grabbing her arm and pulling her out of the room.**

**"Are we alone yet?" asked Goku.**

**"Yeah."**

**"Good." Goku opened his eyes and kissed Raditz on the nose. "I missed you yesterday…"**

**"I was busy." Raditz sat next to Goku.**

**"Doing what?" **

**"Taking care of our children. So…what did you do yesterday?"**

**"I was dreaming about you. I would fuck you, but right now but my dreams drained me…if you know what I mean…" Goku kissed his shoulder.**

**"I know. I'm sorry you're going to die…" Raditz blushed and looked away. "I'm going to miss you…a lot…and I just wanted to say that…I love you…" when Raditz looked back Goku was doing something M rated. "YOU STUPID TRAMP!" Raditz pushed away Goku. "I POUR OUT MY FEELINGS TO YOU OF ALL PEOPLE AND THEN YOU GO AND GIVE ME A WHATEVER IT WAS YOU WERE GIVING ME AND NOT PAY ANY ATTENTION TO WHAT I WAS SAYING!"**

**"Come on Raditz. We only have a few more days together and I want you to myself because who knows how long I have until I die! I could die in the next the three seconds! Let me have this and we'll cuddle till the break of dawn!" Goku looked at Raditz with pleading eyes. "Please?"**

**"Fine." he sighed. "Just hurry up and do it. I don't want anyone to know that I let you touch me intimately when I wasn't influenced by anything."**

**_End flash back _**


	2. Chapter 2: Oolong x Kai? GROSS!

Sorry I haven't updated in a while folks. I just got caught up in my other fanfics and other stuff. Hope you like this chapter!

Warning: Contains Kai x Oolong, mention of Oolong and Kai having sexy-time, and Pan trying to make a move on Trunks.

* * *

"Mommy can I ask you something?" Takashi was blushing bright red.

"Sure son." Raditz was brushing Takamori's hair while Kai was brushing his, and Takashi was brushing Kai's hair.

"Would you hate me if I said I wanted to date android 18?" Takashi waited for the slap.

"No." everybody said at the same time.

"Was I talking to all of you? No. I don't think so. Anyways, mommy are you serious?"

"Yes son." Raditz said without any shame. "It doesn't matter if you even have sex with her and get her pregnant. The point is that as long as you love her it won't matter."

"Really? I thought you were going to send me out there and make me go ask her out then wait to see what would happen." Takashi laughed. "I mean I thought that everyone would disapprove and try and change my mind about 18."

"The reason why I said it was okay was because she is like me in a way. We've both killed people others have loved and wiped out millions along the way with some help. The only major difference is that I've killed more than her." Raditz thought for a minute. "I think you're sister has a crush on you…"

"Who? Kai?" Takashi looked at Kai who just looked shocked for a moment, but then looked horrified.

"No…Pan…" said Takamori.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW !" Takashi squealed. "That's grooooss!"

"That's what I said!" Raditz yawned. "Where is she anyways?"

"In a ditch hopefully dead." Takamori said frowning at the thought of his annoying sister.

"Pan may be annoying, but **_is_** your sister!" interrupted Chichi. "And another thing…"

Chichi punched Takashi in his jaw. "HOW COULD YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH THAT MONSTER? HOW I ASK YOU?! HOW THE FUCK DID YOU! IT'S ONE THING THAT YOUR FATHER FELL IN LOVE WITH HIS BROTHER… WHO IS A MURDER BY THE WAY…BUT IT'S FAR WORSE THAT YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH THAT BITCH THAT NOT ONLY HURT AND KILLED YOUR FATHER, BUT EVERYONE WE KNOW! WHAT KIND OF SON ARE YOU?!

"First off, the androids didn't kill dad. Gohan said dad didn't even get to fight them. Second of all…" Takamori then got in Chichi's face. "YOU CAN GO STRAIGHT TO THE HOTTEST PIT IN HELL THERE IS!" He punched Chichi into the wall because after all, Takashi was his brother.

Meanwhile Pan was outside and spotted Trunks eating an apple and sat beside him. "Hey."

"Um…" Trunks looked around and then turned back to Pan. "Hey…what's up?"

"Nothing much…Just you…"

"Wha…" suddenly Pan picked up Trunks and slammed him on the ground. "Pan! What are you doing?"

"Everybody has someone and I have no one!" Pan growled. "Takashi has 18, mom, Takamori, and Kai have each other, and Chichi has Gohan and her dad, but you don't have anyone! So that makes it fair!"

"But we're not even friends! We've never even interacted this much before now!" Trunks wiggled but couldn't get away from her.

"Trunks I couldn't care less! Everyone hates me, but you! You're different!" Pan tightened her grip on Trunks. "I'm a virgin and you're a virgin!"

"WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?!"

"I WANT TO LOSE IT SO EVERYONE WILL LOVE ME AND WANT ME!"

"PEDOPHILE!"

"I'd hate for this to be rape…"

"This IS rape!"

"…but I have no choice…" Pan said ignoring Trunks. "Prepare your anus!"

"Nooooo! Help! Help!" Trunks cried out as Pan began tying him down. 'Wait…why am I crying out for help when I can just blast her?'

"And don't even think about getting away! As soon as you do, I **_will _**lead the androids here and let them destroy your mother and Gohan!" Pan smirked when Trunks looked at her in horror. "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Pan! What are the heck are you doing to Trunks?!" Takamori had come out to look for Mittens the pig.

"Nothing." Pan said innocently.

"Well stop it." Takamori was about to give Pan the business when Mittens popped up. Mittens was wearing a small pink bow with miss-match make up on (it's up to your imagine for that part) and in red lipstick "Stuck my wiener in a pig" on the side of the pig and on the stomach someone wrote "Love, the Androids". "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! MITTENS! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOU?! WHO DID THIS?"

"The androids apparently." said Trunks who was still underneath Pan still.

"THOSE FUCKERS!" Takamori growled. "TRUNKS GET UP AND HELP ME GO THROW PLATES AT THOSE FUCKERS' HOUSE!"

"What's that going to do?" asked Pan.

"I think what you mean is 'How do you know where their house is?'" corrected Trunks.

"DOES IT MATTER?!" Takamori sobbed and hugged his pig. "My poor baby!"

"You are the weakest link…good-bye." Pan pointed over to the side. Suddenly Pan got shot.

"DUMB BITCH!" Farmer Fred shouted at bleeding out Pan. "Hey Takamori!"

"Hey!" Takamori waved back at Fred. "Are we still on for poker later?"

"Sho' nuff sonny!" Farmer Fred clicked his heels together and before he could run off, Raditz shot **_HIM _**in the back.

"You thought you could get away with that huh?" Raditz smirked at the farmer's twitching body. "Remember what you did to me?"

"What did he do?" asked Trunks (who is still tied up BTW).

"**_He fingered my pussy_**…" Raditz said in a dark and scary tone.

"What?"

"That's right…my cat was in a line-up and he fingered him." Raditz kicked the farmer. "Dumb bitch."

"OOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooh!" said both Takamori and Trunks.

"I thought he meant vagina." said Mittens.

=======Meanwhile======

"Mom where is Gohan?" Trunks asked Bulma.

"Hm…I don't know…oh wait! He just called and said to meet him at somewhere called 'our secret hide-out'…."

"Ok thanks mom!" Trunks flew off to meet up with Gohan.

Gohan was lying inside of a cave, aka their secret place, eating something.

"Hey Gohan!" Trunks sat down beside his teacher.

"Look like at what I have!" Gohan held up some chocolate.

"What's that?"

"Chocolate! Ever since the androids have been destroying stuff like nobody's business, stuff like chocolate is extremely rare! Even rarer than a woman!"

"True…" the only women he had ever seen that weren't dead and in goodish health was Chichi, Pan, Kai, 18, and his mother and maybe a few women here and there, but that was only before 17 or 18 killed them.

"Here. Have one!" Gohan gave Trunks one who slowly ate it.

"Wow! This is good!"

"They're all yours!" Gohan gave him the whole box.

"Thanks!" Trunks gobbled them just in case the androids showed up. It never failed to be cautious. "So Gohan…why did you pick here to be our secret hide out anyways? I mean, it's a cave. We're practically open to an attack."

"Piccolo used to live here…" Gohan sighed. "I really miss him…"

"Didn't say that Piccolo trained you first?"

"Yeah…he did." Gohan tried not to cry, but he couldn't hold back. "I MISS HIM SO MUCH! I LOVED HIM SO MUCH! I WANTED TO HAVE HIS BAAABIIIES! WAAAAAAAH!"

"What…The...Hell…" Trunks had never seen Gohan cry before…not even when he had accidently dropped a weight on his foot. "Wait a second…you're gay?

"No, I take great joy in bestiality and necrophilia…Trunks are you retarded?! Of course I'm gay! Geez! You should have figured that out when I kept asking Bulma do Namekians had penises!"

"Well I didn't think you were like your dad, uncle, and Akira…" said Trunks.

"How did you not know?"

"I don't know…you never really…uh hit on me…"

"Why would I **_ever _**hit on you?" Gohan gave Trunks a "WTF" look.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing. I just think that it's gross that I would ever touch or like you in a gay way! Yuck! You're my friend and even if I was interested, it wouldn't work out. Plus, no offense Trunks, I would rather fuck a rake than you just because you're not my type and never will be."

"What do you mean that I'm not your type?!"

"Trunks calm down."

"DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN HOMO!" yelled Trunks.

"Dude…Seriously…calm down…it's not a big deal…you're not even gay…"

"Whatever…"

=====About two weeks later=====

"AAAAAAAAAAH!" gasped Gohan from his massive orgasm.

"QUIET UP THERE!" Pan hit the ceiling with the broomstick.

"Shut up Pan. He can't hear you." said Raditz. "I swear, he's just like his father but worse."

"Mommy, why does he do that every day?"

"He's gayer than Christmas that why." Raditz held Kai in his arms. For some reason, all of the children loved sleeping in his lap.

"Hey guys…what's up?" it was Oolong the pig.

"Oolong what are you doing here?" asked Pan.

"I came to tell you some good news!"

"What?"

"...AND THAT'S THE GOOD NEWS!" Oolong said cheerfully.

"You didn't say anything…"

"Oh…I was just lonely and wanted to be here with you guys…" Oolong said looking at his feet.

"Aren't you supposed to be with Pu'ar, Master Roshi, and Turtle?" asked Takamori.

"Yeah."

"So why aren't you there?" asked Takashi.

"You know what…I don't know…"

"Get out of this house before I beat you out, pervert!" Kai had suddenly awakened from her sleep and was holding up a broom and hit him with it.

"OW! What was that for?!"

"Being in my room, you jack-ass!" Kai slapped the shape-shifting pig across the face. "And to think I had a crush on you for my entire life!" she slapped her hands over her mouth.

"What?!" everyone looked at Kai.

"Oh who am I kidding…" Kai flung herself on Oolong. "I love you Oolong and I wanna have your babies!"

"What?!" everyone one gasped.

"R-really?" Oolong couldn't believe that a girl actually loved him. Kai was an attractive girl and prettier than Pan. Besides, what other chance did he have that a girl would fall in love with him with the androids killing everyone.

"Marry me Oolong-kun!" Kai was practically on her knees now.

"Ok!"

"EW! GROSS!" Takamori groaned.

"Take that ugly love story somewhere else!" said Takashi.

"Why you no marry Pu'ar?!" groaned Pan. "At least he can transform into a human longer than Oolong can."

"Hey!" said Oolong after him and Kai finished kissing ever so passionately (Yuck!). "It's legal, just like was legal for a dog to rule the world!"

"We know but she could have done better." said Chichi. Everybody else nodded in agreement.

"Well fine! We'll contunie our love somewhere else!" Kai took Oolong and dragged him into her room.

"I swear if I hear **_any _**noise from that room, I am going to barf my brains out." Takamori loved his sister, but her dating a pig was too far.

===Later at night===

"Mommy…" whined Takamori.

"Mommy's asleep Taka…"

"But they're doing it!" whined Pan.

"I know." Raditz took the pillow off of his head. "What time is it?"

"3:30…in the morning…" Pan said as everyone groaned.

"Why can't they just go do it outside?" asked Takashi.

"I don't know…I would go tell them to but…" Raditz shuddered.

"Ewwww…" Pan stopped talking. "Did you hear that?"

"What? I don't hear anything…"

Pan and the others smiled and went back to sleep when suddenly…

"Again! Again! Again!"

"Man…I love you…"

"I love you too…" everyone heard a loud, sloppy kissing sound.

"Ugh!" said everyone.

"Do it in the other one now!" said Kai.

"How about I do both?"

"How?" there was silence until they heard a loud scream until Kai shouted out. "Tentacles? FUCK YEAH!"

"Is it normal for my eyes to burn from hearing that?" Takamori winced as he heard his sister's joyful squeals of passion...loud passion.

"I wanna sleep in my bed!" Pan whimpered. "I love you mommy, but I just wanna sleep in my bed!"

"And I would also like to sleep in my own bed instead of all of you in it, but we can't have everything we want, now can we?" said Raditz annoyed.

"You don't have to be so mean mommy…"

"Sorry Pan…I'm just so tired. Your brothers and I were supposed to go find the androids' lair tomorrow, but I guess we're going to have to put it off for another day." Raditz sighed.

"SHUT UP!" shouted Oolong from upstairs in a booming Optimus Prime voice.

"Yeah! We're trying to have sexy-time and you all are making all that noise!"

"GO HAVE SEX OUTSIDE!" everyone heard Chichi yell.

"Why?"

"Everyone is having trying to sleep and you too are thumping up there…"

"So?"

"Get some fuckin' rest and do it when we're busy! In the afternoon!" Raditz shouted.

"NO!"

"DON'T MAKE ME COME IN THERE KAI BECAUSE YOU KNOW I WILL!"

"Ok mommy…" Kai said in defeat.

* * *

Sorry for the long chapter, but I wanted to make this chapter really long to make up for not adding on to this story. The History of Trunks is coming to an end pretty soon, but the andoid saga will continue because like I've said before, the android saga ties in to the History of Trunks and the Cell saga. Thanks for reading!


End file.
